how far did narcissus lean before falling in? what i mean by that, is - that i think i'm going to post a few things from my old weblog - back when they were called online diaries, or some shit like that. i remembered a post i did about pavement's shady lane, and i looked it up, and it wasn't as bad as i thought. i also read some others while trying to find the shady post, and they wern't too bad either. and, i think they're quite good at showing some kind of progression. but - i'm not trying to say i write better now. it's probably time to employ that samuel beckett quote, fail, fail better or whatever. the one that every writer ever, even before beckett, has quoted. i'm trying not to say much, because this is kind of unforgivable...so, sorry. i hope you can take this for what it is. all the bold, italic, and mistakes are from the original text. also, when something went wrong with the site these were hosted on, i lost all the linebreaks. i am a fan of linebreaks.
a fan of linebreaks, right? okay?
...but maybe it's better this way - so it won't be so connected with my thoughts now, but more with the ongoing patterns and emotions. hah! i'm already slipping back into the style...
i am in love with mistakes. this was written 09/Jul/05
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have we missed an opportunity//
"the smallest bits of music are the best. those moments that you know only after listening to a record again, and again and again, something that is becoming increasingly harder with the malestrom of music that assaults the mind and the senses to some kind of sadomasochistic orgasm. there's a bit in pavement's shady lane where malkamus (who shares a birthday with me) breathes in just before he starts to sing and just before that beautifully, fucking beautifully simply riff kicks in, and it sets off the whole song. even after that strange break where the song starts again, that breath still hangs and makes the song feel completely perfect and at home for it's exact duration. it's a thing that you wouldn't notice the first 30 times you listen to the song, but you will notice it the 31st time, and you will repeat the intro again and again to hear it, and then it will be there every time you play the song again. it's like a little secret message between you and one of the most influential and brilliant indie bands ever, and that's something special. that's something to be proud of, on your side and theirs. i struggle to think of any more examples right now, brighten the corners now playing in it's entirety, blissfully drowning out and coating all other thoughts in a thick layer of golden honey and sunshine; but you know what they are, and you have your own special moments like that. and they make you smile, and you know there will never be a time when they won't make you smile - no matter what kind of explosions are happening anywhere in the world or your mind, these things will remind you of the inevitably beauty, the indestructably subtle perfection that is about as frequent as a lottery win - but, fuck, so much more rewarding. what with live8, the g8, the london incident, i've been thinking a lot about what i want to write about it, because i do want to write something. but maybe this is it. maybe what i want to write is a defence of the little things, the little bursts of joy. i guarantee that i'm even more surprised than you, what with my usual deathly cynical outlook. yes, these events make you feel sick, especially when you realise this is how it will always be - money, greed, war, death, religion. the continuous strength of evil over good, or, even worse - the continual rise of the evil good (the ones who pretend to be) and the rise of the gray/grey area between it all. nothing is black and white, my boy. but. but. no one can deny the light on your hands, the dust in the air in the morning, the reverb from your favourite note. little things. when you notice the stripes, the dirt in your fries. i guess i don't have much good to say after all. but not much never lost. watch her reinvent the wheel, i don't need your summary acts to give into the narrative mike*"
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Pavement - Shady Lane
p.s., i'm thinking about doing another mixtape pretty soon?
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